So I saw Predators the other night. I was really excited about seeing Predators, because I really loved the original movies. First predator-only movie since those shitty AVP movies. I was pumped.

And so I went.

And I was highly disappointed.

Here’s my quick bullet-point review. If you want something more in-depth, check out The Horror Chick’s review on The Awl.

• The kill scenes were nice, but too few in number.
• Adrien Brody has a terrible “badass” voice, and just sucked as a macho man. And his name has a stupid spelling to boot.
• Lawrence Fishburne was funny. He’s probably that crazy in real life.
• The attempt at comedy in certain scenes, like the “I’m gonna rape so many bitches” was pretty lame and didn’t garner laughs from me.
• The small predators are a bunch of pussies.
• The story was stupid. Did the predators buy these people from earth? WTF?
• No boobs. THERE ARE ALWAYS BOOBS IN PREDATOR MOVIES.

ED NOTE: We posted this 2 hours before his death was reported.  Clearly we control the universe.  Watch your ass.

Vincent sent me this link today, apparently wanting me to have a heart attack.

I actually saw MJ in person once before, which was quite the horrific tale in an of itself. Maybe I’ll tell it one day.

If you want a present guaranteed to scare everyone you know, you can buy it here.