Do you like Black Metal?  Me too.  CM Distro is having a black metal sale on albums and merchandise; you can get shirts like this wonderful piece for only $6.

CMDistro Black Metal Sale

If you live in New York and you love zombies (and who doesn’t by now?), you could find worse things to do than trek to Otto’s Shrunken Head in East Village this Tuesday night (10/27) for “Zombie Night.” It seems to be a well-planned event, and a good way to spend a Tuesday.

6 days! 6 for the number of strings on a guitar. And guitars produce heavy metal.

Tonight we are going to celebrate heavy metal by attending a Satyricon concert in NYC. We’ll report back with details.

7!!! Lucky #7. For the 7 deadly sins. Allow me to rank the sins in order of least favorite to favorite (even though I just love sinning and it’s very hard to say which is my favorite).

#7: Envy

Actually, this sin is stupid and I hate it. I envy no man, no person. I am just fine thank you. What do I need to be jealous of? I’m pretty badass. Leave me alone.

#6: Greed

Much like Envy, I dislike Greed. I have enough. I don’t need anything more. I always get just the right amount. I also always get what I want, so I don’t ever really need to be greedy anyways.

Although I could always use more beef jerky. That means I can be greedy sometimes. I like to horde my beef jerky. OK so I have a little greed in me, that’s fine. Makes me human.

#5: Wrath

See Envy. I hate and have anger towards envy and jealousy. Also I hate country music, douchebags, and New Jersey.

#4: Sloth

I quite enjoy being lazy sometimes.

#3: Gluttony

I also quite enjoy eating the shit out of some food sometimes. My favorite things to binge on are beef jerky, soy crisps, cottage cheese, tacos, chicken nuggets, pickles, and cabbage.

#2: Pride

I am a very proud person. See Envy for more information.

#1: Lust

I really don’t need/want to go into this one.

8. For 8-legged creatures spiders. Stars of the 1990 horror movie Arachnophobia. With the tagline “Eight legs, two fangs and an attitude.” Nice.

The movie was pretty good from what I remember. Better than movies about crocodiles or piranhas. I was surprised though when I search for more movies, of the sheer dearth of spider movies around. You figure with such a seminal creepy creature there would be more around.

Anywho, this 2002 article on Freaky Trigger (a very good read) details why the spider hasn’t been a popular staple of horror and movies in general.

Happy Freaky Friday.

Baby Tattoo books had a display. They publish the work of several contemporary artists like Ragnar and others.

Lucky for them, I hit their booth at the +4 beer mark, so I was more than ready and willing to part ways with my hard-earned moneys.

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Only 9 more days until Halloween! Teehee! For today’s entry we’ll go with the 9 Satanic Statements, from Anton LaVey‘s famous work, The Satanic Bible.

Actual Cover

Hold onto your dicks, we’ve got a lot of exclaimation points ahead of us:

1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!
5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!

When I was 14 that shit was awesome.

So celebrate October 22nd by checking out his grandson, Stanton’s, myspace page.  I read an interview with him in a magazine (Spin? Rollingstone?) last year and it was pretty hilarious. He seems like a fun guy, and he’s just like us, only bald, famous and expected to act like a lunatic. I’m truly envious.

So I went and saw the film Paranormal Activity the other night. I had heard great things, read great reviews, and was expected to be scared to death.

Firstly, I saw it in a stereotypical “big movie” NYC crowd. Even though the movie isn’t SUPPOSED to be big. So this means that the audience was 95 percent douchebag assholes, who either screamed at parts that weren’t scary, laughed when inappropriate, screaming stupid shit at the screen like “man he looks like my uncle”, talking to other, eating and drinking so loud it would make John Daly proud (you liked that eh?). So this definitely made some of the tense parts not-so-tense.

Secondly, the characters in the movie were so annoying, and their humor so forced that it felt fake anyways.

Third, it just wasn’t scary. I mean, you knew the whole time EXACTLY what was happening and what would happen. Sure some of the intense moments where something pops out of nowhere scare the crap out of you, but I’ve been scared by bunnies before too.

Verdict, just not that good and not worth watching in a theater. Most likely better served being shown in tight quarters in a dark house, along with warm booze.

2 out of 10 Critters

So I’ve bought a lot of Halloween candy over the years. We all do around this time. Or if we don’t buy a lot, we sure do eat a lot.

You can’t have Halloween without the candy. Before I grew up and realized that Halloween was REALLY about dressing ridiculously, fake blood, and having an excuse to absolutely party your face off for a few days, it was all about the candy.

You were measured by your candy. Who got the most won. Every night after trick or treat, I would sit on the floor next to my brother, and we would compare our stashes. Who got the most suckers? Who had the most sixlets?

Maybe it’s the fancy packaging. Maybe I’m just using the season as an excuse to eat poorly. Either way, I end up with a ton of this stuff, and a ton of it goes into my belly.

So here’s some of what I bought so far, and my impressions.

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10, for the 10 dollar bill, otherwise known as a “sawbuck”. Saw has been a staple of the horror movie genre since 2004, when the first of 719 Saw films was released.

While the originality of Saw might have worn out years ago, the fact remains: people pay to see these movies, so they’ll keep coming out (6 is supposed to be the final one, but I highly doubt it. Why kill the cash cow?).

Saw championed the creation (really the rebirth) of a genre of horror some refer to as “torture porn“. Movies about people getting off on killing. I just enjoy the brutal death scenes. Doesn’t give me a boner though.