So last week, I was back in NYC for a week-long trip of debauchery and some good music, beginning on Monday night with the Paganfest. We were pretty pumped for this show, as it provided a nice even mix of pirate, viking, and folk metal. However, as usual, we were only able to make it for the closing act.

Why? Mainly because of mine and Vincent’s propensity for alcohol, and general bad timekeeping. That being said, I’m not sure how much more of the madness I could have taken beyond one ridiculous metal band. That band was Korpiklaani, and the mixture of metal and pure joy of being alive almost blew my mind away.

I think singing about booze, having bits of dead animal on stage, and being signed to Nuclear Blast records make you pretty damn metal. And just bizarre, which makes a perfect fit for us.

Korpiklaani is the only band I have ever friended on Facebook. That is no lie.

(more…)

Sometimes we don’t even need Ridley Scott to make stories for us (or for that matter, Trey Parker and Matt Stone).  We just need The Sun.  Yes, according to The Sun, which I can only assume is most reliable paper on the planet, a 30 year-old “man,” from “Oxfordshire,” “England,” pushed a fucking unborn fetus out of his GOD DAMNED BELLY BUTTON.

Artist’s rendition

That’s right.  And just like Kuato in Total Recall, the little fucker came out dancing and singing Peter Gabriel songs.  It was truly weird.  Who knew the little piece of shit could sing, much less sing so well, and with a voice of gold!?  I didn’t, it looks like a little bug to me.

Anyway, read all of the bullshit story yourself.

Man, 30, gives “birth” to his twin [via The Sun]

So I was wasting time at work today (which is a more and more difficult task by the day), when I came across this article on eSplatter.com. The title of the article was ‘I Know What You Did’ Next on the Remake Chopping Block. Now before I go any further, the article is actually talking about a remake of I Saw What You Did. However, at the time …

I COMPLETELY LOST MY MIND. MIND ABSOLUTELY BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS. WHY???

Because I thought the article was going to be talking about a remake of the 1997 CLASSIC, I Know What You Did Last Summer. Keep in mind that on this post, CLASSIC is a synonym for HUGE PILE OF SHIT.

Now, although I consider myself a connoisseur of fine horror films, I reserve a certain percentage (maybe 15?) of my movie watching to absolute trash, which includes the aforementioned IKWYDLS.

When I thought for a second that someone was actually considering a remake of this winner, I was completely boggled. For one, it’s definitely a little early for a remake, hence my initial confusion. Number two, why in the HELL would anyone choose this one for a remake? I’ll tell you who, some sick puppy with an amazing sense of humor, so I was all about it! Hell, maybe Eli Roth had something up his sleeve.

I mean, you could essentially make a Scary Movie style movie but actually make it good. You don’t even have to be corny, because simply the fact that you’re making a remake of an unremakeable movie is funny enough. Buffy plus the girl from Can’t Hardly Wait? Freddy Prinze Jr? How can you replace the magic they had on screen? And the just terrible plot in general. I will never forget the parade scene at the end, and the stupid fisherman. Stupid hooked hand.

I apologize for the spastic post, but I want to convey the thoughts going through my mind. You know, before they were completely crushed and shot down by the realization that this was not in fact an IKWYDLS remake, but rather another remake of another old horror movie that I have never heard of.

ESplatter, I love you, but please make sure you crosscheck your post titles before you give someone a heart attack, like I almost got.

I just wanted to share my disappoint with everyone. Hopefully I don’t bring you down.

I’m fairly certain you all would love to have this in your home.

[Via DorNob]

No THIS is how you put little children in a blender and eat them…

Absurd:

This brilliant looking piece of animation is a teaser for a book that dubs itself a “mesmerizing gothic tale,” and I’m inclined to agree.  After seeing this fantastic trailer I think they should just go ahead and make it a cartoon as well.

Any fans of Edward Gorey will be delighted.

You can buy it here, or at “all good bookshops.”

White is for Witching

This is a good list. I cringed while reminiscing on the first time I saw these little shits on the TV.

[Via Bloody-Disgusting]

Inspired by Dexter, designed by Spring Design and Art, this is a set of dinnerwear I think we can all agree is exactly what’s missing from our classy homes.  Just imagine when your friends come over for a steak appetizer, steak dinner, and steak cake desert and you serve them with THESE MOTHAFUCKAS.

At $60-$135 a pop for each plate, if you can afford this shit then you CAN’T afford not to have this shit.  Right?

After you’ve checked out the plates, there are other Dexter-inspired products as well.

DEXTER dinnerwear [via Spring]