If you’re like me (god help you), you fondly remember the Splatterhouse games of the early ’90s.  Not so much the original Splatterhouse, but specifically Splatterhouse 2. Why?  Well mainly because the first one only came out on TurboGrafx-16, and no one but annoying little shits had the TurboGrafx-16. Splatterhouse 2, however, came out on the console that all badass 12 year olds primarily interested in gore and death possessed: The Sega Genesis.

Yes sir, if throwing parents’ concerns to the wind and decapitating ninjas was your game, then there was only one console to own 17 years ago, and that was the Sega Genesis. Sure, four years later, after we’d mocked the SNES for our entire early teens we realized it was the far superior platform, but we didn’t care at the time; we had games like Splatterhouse 2. Take a look at this diarrhea box art:

Jesus Christ. Is that an Alien? Don’t tell me it’s not. I know Geiger’s aliens and their ripoffs when I see them, thank you.

The game was pretty awful, and though we tried SO HARD to like it (and beat it), it was just general garbage. The man stayed stiff when he jumped, there was a 15 second lag between pressing a button and seeing its effects on screen, and I think being looked at with a crooked eye killed your character.

So now there’s a sequel and I. CANNOT. WAIT.

I’m buying the hell out of this garbage. All I know from Wikipedia (which has ruined all forms of anticipation and suspense), is that it comes out next year. Let’s hope our usual heavy drinking will make it feel like it came quicker rather than later.

Tags: genesis, splatterhouse

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 18th, 2008 at 10:54 am and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.