Greeting folks. Inspired by my recent move into the depths of Queens, I have realized that my life is missing something. While I have faith in myself and tangible things, I have never been one to seek or need spiritual guidance, or needed to believe in something greater than myself in order to sleep at night, knowing that once my time in this physical world has ended, I will be taken care. I’m more of a “end means end” guy, and that’s that.

Or am I?

I figured maybe I could try a little religion on. I see these churchgoers and idol-worshippers going about their merry ways, seeming to walk around with an air of contentment and resolution that I sometimes envy (only when I’m near broke or have stubbed my toe, but that’s just a minor detail). What makes them tick? Maybe I need to join such an organization, giving myself another layer of support in my life.

So what church should I apply for? Come on, what the Hell do you think? (haha, Hell, that’s funny). The church of mother-fucking SATAN of course!

What I didn’t realize was that there was an in-depth application process to become a full-fledged member of the church. Sure you can pay your 25 bucks and get listed in a registry somewhere, which isn’t any more special than having your name in one of those stupid Who’s Who books that your parents got brainwashed into buying when you were in high school. So I’m going all out. I’m ponying up my 200 bucks and going for the gold.

Going for the gold in this case means filling out a 40 question application, which is filled with some incredible questions. As I work through this beast (I got other shit to do too you know), I will post my responses, with the hopes that any scrupulous reader could help guide any of my answers that might be straying off course and could potentially contribute to my not being accepted into this church of churches.

Stay tuned people. This will be an interesting process, and I will need your support.

Tags: anton levey, church of satan, paperwork, religion

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008 at 9:47 am and is filed under Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.