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You can’t kill Halloween, Santa, no matter how hard you try! While shopping for Eggnog, I came across the Clearance section of a local grocery store. As any decent shopper does, I glance over the section without actually pausing to look, making sure I give off an aura of “I don’t mess with that cheap shit.” But I couldn’t ignore the beckon of black, purple, and orange packaging. I knew what that meant.
Well well well. Someone was good to me these holidays, providing me with a wide array of evil gifts.
I feel as though I’ve been missing something for a while by not having discovered Rob Sheridan’s work earlier. When I stumbled upon the image above, my first thought was “PERFECT”. I wasn’t even looking for anything Christmas related, it just so happened that I came across this on Jesus’ birthday. Nothing says Happy Holidays like man-wrapping.
I would never purchase these, much less send them to anyone, but I still think they’re interesting. Think “Mean People Suck” on Christmas cards.
Creepy Christmas cards here, courtesy of Apoplectic Press.
While not directly related to horror or metal, I simply cannot ignore the fact that I am somewhat in the holiday spirit. And what does one do when in the holiday spirit? You watch holiday movies of course.
There are several classic Christmas movies, like Santa Claws, Jack Frost 2, and of course, Here Cumz Santa. However, one of my favorites lies outside our standard realm. Bad Santa is such an incredible film, if for nothing else than its sheer vulgarity and offensiveness. If you are looking for something to kill the time while falling asleep on your relatives’ couch this season, pick this one up.
Billy Bob Thorton plays an alcoholic mall Santa who travels around to the country during the season, robbing the malls once the time is right. Actually, alcoholic is an understatement. Or a misnomer. He just gets really shitfaced all the time. He also screws women in dressing rooms.
This movie is the sole reason I started purchasing and consuming Old Grandad whiskey. He is assisted by a foul-mouthed midget elf. Sounds like a perfect combination yes?
Bad Santa is just a total asshole with no heart or patience for humans. I adore him greatly. Of course he displays some warmth in the end, but is no doubt a huge asshole who does evil shit. If I have to look at santas this season, I’ll stick with this one.
5 Minute Horror has a great concept, to provide those interested in horror with a place to either view short horror films and get their daily gore fix, or for aspiring filmmakers to network with those in the business, provided access to the in-house production staff of 5 Minute Horror.
This is the relaunch of the site, and since I didn’t notice it the first time around, here’s to hoping they get it right the second time.
I’m going to Best Buy today for the sole purpose of buying and reviewing this album. Although the whole concept behind the celebration doesn’t sit well with me, I’ve always been an avid Christmas and holiday fan, simply because everyone gets lazy and seems to forget that there’s a real world out there for a few weeks.
And it’s an excuse to get really drunk several times without having to apologize for any behavior.
However, I’ve already found myself getting a bit quesy after hearing jingle bells for the 800th time on the radio, no matter what store or vehicle I happen to be in at the time. So I think I need a Christmas music redux. This looks like the place to start.
I’m especially excited to listen to “Santa Claus Is Back In Town” with vocal accompaniment from Tim Ripper Owens, or God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen with Dio. Let’s hope it doesn’t disappoint.
“What do you do for work when not fighting the forces of evil on horseback?”
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/music_blog/2008/12/an-internet-sta.html
(Follow-up to this post)
Sometimes being in the New York Horror Movies Meetup Group has its benefits, such as winning MAJOR AWARDS. Yours truly just won this sweet little package:
- A Fangoria shirt
- A Fangoria hat
- A Fangoria bracelet
- And a horror movie soundtrack (from either Death Proof or The Rage most likely)
That’s right. A bracelet! Make no mistake, I’ll be unpacking and documenting this sweet little gift from heaven on this website as soon as I return to work. That won’t be until January 4th, so you’ll just have to anticipate the arrival until then. Try to get some sleep.